2022 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament: Final Four

We may have found the antidote to the Name Bracket Hacker poison that has plagued this tournament for years. Our quick run of the Elite Eight – where voters had less than 24 hours to get their selections – resulted in the cleanest ballot we’ve seen. Each poll was within 10 votes of each other, meaning either there was virtually no ballot stuffing or an equal amount in all four polls. Given the total number of votes, it seems unlikely that there was an abnormal vote.

Which means our final four competitors in the 2022 Detroit Lions Name Bracket tournament are all worthy challengers for the crown.

Once again, we’re going to shine a light on the Final Four, so you have until 11:59 p.m. ET Sunday night to vote.

Here are your final four candidates.

1. Amon-Ra St. Brown vs. 1. Kalil Pimpleton

Let’s be honest with ourselves. It’s the final. Whoever wins this game should be considered the heavy favorite to win it all. Both of these contestants are top seeds for a reason.

But if I could sway the vote a little – and you know I will at every opportunity – I’d say Kalil Pimpleton gets the nod for me. And the only reason for that is that “Amon-Ra St. Brown” sounds like a lab-created name. It is not a natural name. These are not two names that happened to work together. No, this name was carefully and deliberately constructed by eccentric father John Brown in order to stand out. On the one hand, I appreciate Brown’s acknowledgment that a name is important and shouldn’t be a decision to be taken lightly. On the other hand, there is something to be said for natural beauty. Obviously, every name is the result of a conscious decision, but the best names are ones that don’t feel as forced. Amon-Ra St. Brown is carefully constructed in every way, down to the addition of “St.” in the surname.

I prefer when the two names blend together effortlessly. Kalil Pimpleton is one such name.


Who has the best name?

  • 86%
    Amon-Ra St. Brown

    (175 votes)

  • 13%
    Kalil Pimpleton

    (27 votes)

202 voices in total

Vote now

3. Quintez Cephus vs. 4. Ifetu Melifonwu

No disrespect to these two competitors, but it already looks like the match for third place. Quintez Cephus is a beautiful name that makes great use of some of the most underused letters of the alphabet.

Ifaetu Melifonwu is a poster child of vowel lovers. It touches all five vowels and outnumbers its consonants by a score of 8 to 7.

But both names lack the extra gear they need so deep in the tournament. There’s no potential for puns here, no pop culture references I can make with their names. The two run out of steam after saying the names enough times. I’m afraid I’ll have to diagnose these two players with early name fatigue. But before that fully settles down, let’s give one of them one last chance to cut the nets at the end of this thing.


Who has the best name?

  • 37%
    Quint Cephus

    (78 votes)

  • 62%
    Ifetu Melifonwu

    (129 votes)

207 voices in total

Vote now

Comments are closed.