This typing sim from hell has you writing emails full of buzzwords for eternity

Email, like leaf blowers and Sean Penn, is one of those things that seemed like a good idea at the time, but eventually became an endless plague of irritation. How many emails do you receive each day? Dozens? And how many of them are actually useful, especially when they come from your own company and are filled with unnecessary jargon?

I would say roughly zero, but let’s sharpen our pencils and get back to that number. I hope this helps you. Thanks a lot!

Mondays: A Sisyphean Strike Game (opens in a new tab) is a free typing simulation that lets you copy randomly generated business-to-business emails filled with meaningless buzzwords. To demonstrate the pointlessness of your tasks, each letter you type pushes a huge boulder up a tiny part of a hill that only gets heavier. If you get the letter wrong, there’s no backtracking – you immediately go back down the hill with your boulder and have to start over. Raise and grind.

Sisyphus, to jog your memory, was a king in Greek mythology who was so clever he kept talking to get out of death. Zeus and Hades ended up getting so pissed off at the evil king that they doomed him to eternal torment by forcing him to roll a huge boulder down a hill, and as soon as he reached the boulder near the top, he would come down completely. That’s it, but in a free typing game.

Unlike Sisyphus, you can have a little fun with your rock. When you type awful phrases like “Integrally, we’re nimble and disruptive” and “Key takeaways include strengthening the company’s DNA” and “There’s a massive return expected if we develop our contract staff “, you make money. This money can be spent on customizing your rock with hats, eyes, sunglasses, shoes, and other cosmetics, which are stuck in your face after each email as a series of windows contextual. Some of those cute cosmetics even have an effect, like a pair of Groucho Marx goggles that add a laugh trail every time you mess up and come back down the hill.

Money can also be spent in the most corporate way possible: for more work. Unlock longer emails and you’ll get closer and closer to the top of that goddamn hill before you tumble all the way down to buy more stuff for your rock.

It’s a fun, frustrating, and oddly compelling game. I kept playing to unlock more wacky cosmetics from my rock and access new emails just to see how awful buzzwords could get. “This internship can be an incredible opportunity if you take the bull by the horns. You can follow other departments and attend management meetings,” was particularly infuriating. And there’s something about getting so close to the top of a hill that I know I can never reach and that makes me want to keep trying to reach it. I guess that’s the job of the company in a nutshell.

You can download or play Mondays: A Sisyphean Typing Game directly in your browser here (opens in a new tab).

Warmest regards,
Chris

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